Victims of War
by Lady McSnape
Summary: Minerva loved a man who was tagged cold, reserved and a former Death Eater. Loving such is difficult. Yet upon Snape's betrayal, she doubted difficult would even be the word to describe the situation of loving the man who was now their - her - enemy.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I never own the characters. They belonged to the brilliant author, J.K. Rowling. The italized words were also hers; from her books, the Half blood Prince and Deathly Hallows. The rest is mine. I do not receive profit from this.

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><p>Hogwarts had never been colder for long years she had been living safe inside its walls. It was all so sudden. The enormous castle which she deemed her second home no longer offered security and warmth. The ground on which one of the classrooms was supposed to stood mighty now crumbled to pieces and dust. The corridor she was passing on which seemed like yesterday it accommodated loud and loitering fifth years was now deserted. It was dark and the atmosphere hung with grief like never before.<p>

All was suffocating her. She hated how all of these made the lump in her throat swelled. A lot of things happened tonight but one in particular she did not wish to comprehend or to even believe it was real. The battle brought great impact to all of them and surely, Hagrid must have suffered its full force. She blinked furiously and gripped her wand tightly as if these would distract her from the rushing offensive thoughts dawning within her head which was not even more helping her to stay in control. She quickened her steps. She could not bear to be out there any minute more. She rounded a corner and she was pleased for the first time to see the huge wooden door that opened for her many times before when she would visit its sick occupants.

She entered the ward.

"_Molly and Arthur are on their way," Minerva said. The audience in the room roused themselves as though coming out of trances, turning again to look at Bill, or else to rub their own eyes, shake their heads. _She directed her gaze to Harry and inquired before she could dread the answer._ "Harry, what happened? According to Hagrid you were with Professor Dumbledore when he - when it happened. He says Professor Snape was involved in some -"_

"_Snape killed Dumbledore," said Harry._

_She stared at him for a moment, then swayed alarmingly; Madam Pomfrey, who seemed to have pulled herself together, ran forward, conjuring a chair from thin air, which she pushed under McGonagall. _

Harry saying it made everything believably true as if all was not. She just couldn't - wouldn't - fathom how Dumbledore could be betrayed by…

"_Snape," repeated McGonagall faintly, falling into the chair. "We all wondered…but he trusted…always…Snape…I can't believe it…."_

The chaos inside her clamored to pour out but she steeled herself, not wanting to show how much the event affected her. She, too, trusted him. She did wonder, a lot to say, but she still believed that something was more to a man who was a former Death Eater. She had thought they would fight the battle together…She started to lose a little control over her surfacing tears.

"_Snape was a high accomplished Occlumens," said Lupin, his voice uncharacteristically harsh. "We always knew that."_

"_But Dumbledore swore he was on our side!" whispered Tonks. "I always thought Dumbledore must know something about Snape that we didn't…"_

"_He always hinted that he had an ironclad reason for trusting Snape," murmured Professor McGonagall, now dabbing at the corners of her leaking eyes with a tartan-edged handkerchief. "I mean…with Snape's history…of course people were bound to wonder…but Dumbledore told me explicitly that Snape's repentance was absolutely genuine…Wouldn't hear a word against him!"_

"_I'd love to know what Snape told him to convince him," said Tonks. _

Harry quickly jumped at the opportunity to explain everything. _Nobody asked how he knew this. All of them seemed to be lose in horrified shock, trying to digest the monstrous truth of what had happened. _

Minerva wasn't sure if she could handle all in one night. She had been shocked twice already and another would be enough to wreck her. She was so confused. How could she have been so blind? Yet, in those moments she had with Snape, she got implications from their discussions of his utter allegiance to their side. There were times when she met the real Snape in between talks during a game of chess or even friendly arguments over Quidditch. He gained her respect and later, she came to care for him. She even…cared so much…._loved_ him more than a friend. She, maybe, did not know herself at all. If only she did…

And what she did ago, she remembered, was logical for her to chastise herself. _"This is all my fault," said Professor McGonagall suddenly. She looked disoriented, twisting her wet handkerchief in her hands. "My fault. I sent Filius to fetch Snape tonight, I actually sent for him to come and help us! If I hadn't alerted Snape to what was going on, he might never have joined forces with the Death Eaters. I don't think he knew they were there before Filius told him. I don't think he knew they were coming."_

"_It isn't your fault, Minerva," said Lupin firmly. "We all wanted more help, we were glad to think Snape was on his way…."_

Surely. But she just can't fathom how it was not her fault. She was too trusting. She was too…caring. She paused for a moment; her gaze fixed on the handkerchief she stopped twisting. The heartache she was then ignoring after Hagrid relayed to her the news grew stronger and she absentmindedly balled her hands when tears seemed to surface dangerously.

"Professor…" called Hermione.

Minerva snapped out of her emotions and found everyone looking at her. Their faces bore grief, understanding - and when she turned to the witch who called her - sympathy and knowing. She dismissed the thought of Hermione knowing her dilemma and stood, and she was surprised her knees supported her well, even if what she felt inside seemed to suck out all of her energy.

"I'll leave you to the things that need to be taken care of and…" She looked at Hagrid.

"_I've…I've done it, Professor," He choked. "M-moved him, Professor Dumbledore." _And Hagrid lost himself to choking sobs.

Professor McGonagall was careful not to purse her lips disapprovingly. She should get out here before Hagrid could infect her.

"Thank you, Hagrid. I shall meet the Ministry when they get here but before then, I would like to have a quick word with you Potter." said Minerva and went out after she bid them with curt a nod and with Harry trailing after her.

_VoW_

After coaxing Potter to tell her about Dumbledore's orders which was futile because she had not gotten anything from him, Minerva dwelled in solitude inside her room. She sat sullenly, hugging her legs close. Her room was cold despite of the crackling flames from the fireplace or maybe it was just her. She was partly relieved to have finally been there alone, hence, she could not trust herself surrounded with people for the meantime yet partly also, dreaded her isolation since she would have to face her agony. She never thought she would have to experience the most depressing part of her life and most depressing was an understatement. She buried her head on her knees and closed her eyes. A life without Dumbledore… a figure of a father always there to make them secured, a genius who can contend with the darkest wizard alive, a headmaster who always seemed to know what to do and a friend who always annoyed or delighted people with lemon drops. She stifled a sob. And there was Snape.

_Snape. _

She had not addressed the man with his first name for the rest of the night, she noticed curiously, and it was better. It was only then that she felt angry. A traitor should not even have one, she thought bitterly. She was furious, so furious that she would want to break anything in her office. But she thought against it, she would not be anything that would signify the betrayer. She felt so betrayed, so caught unprepared to face an even more complicated situation.

Yes, she was in love with the wizard. She realized it out of the blue at one time they had a glaring battle over a thing she can't anymore remember. Her eyes widened in shock with the realization and she lost the battle when she looked down to avoid his penetrating glare. Snape was keen to always remind her of that loss and she was always keen to remember how his obsidian eyes were beautiful at that moment. They would occasionally enjoy each other's company strolling in the school grounds or in a game of chess, 10 galleons betting over the Quiddith cup or in rare times, a treat of 2 mugs of butterbeer in Hogsmeade. They became close to each other and she thought they had something, not that she was expecting romance, but a special bond or friendship between them. When her heart started to beat wildly, she tried to hushed it down. She tried to vanish her feelings but try as she might, her heart would not listen to her at all. Or maybe, she did not try harder. Loving and try un-loving the man was complicated enough. Now that she was loving an enemy, she doubted complicated was even the word.

She released her legs for they were starting to numb. She stood and went to let herself fall to bed roughly. Her nose flared. She hated him. She really, really did but she hated herself more and will much if she won't expel this awful feeling fast. She felt disgusted. The anger began to surfaced again dangerously and she clutched the sheets to keep herself from becoming berserk. Now it would be easy to get over this pathetic feeling, she thought, her anger would aid her. It better would. She suddenly felt tears streaming down her face and she furiously wiped it with her hand. No, she should not shed tears. She has to be strong.

She's in war. She has to.

And she has to be strong enough to kill Severus Snape the next time they meet.


	2. Chapter 2

I wholeheartedly thank my cool beta, Yue Sai, who helped me made this chapter awesome!

Enjoy! :)

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><p><strong>SEVERUS SNAPE CONFIRMED AS HOGWARTS HEADMASTER<strong>

_"Severus Snape, long-standing Potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was today appointed headmaster in the most important of several staffing changes at the ancient school. Following the resignation of the previous Muggle Studies teacher, Alecto Carrow will take over the post while her brother, Amycus, fills the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor."_

The proud, angry flames from the hearth crackled fiercely before Professor McGonagall's venomous glare. She stared at it for almost fifteen minutes now, projecting, as if the flames were obligated to absorb and unleash the grumbling fury that was rolling inside her chest, circulating in her every vein. She breathed sharply and balled her resting hand on her knee into a fist. The only watching soul across her, sat on a couch inside the room, looked at her with a visible expression of sympathy, and what she would not strongly want to witness from anyone else, pity.

"That is growing to be a habit of yours" said Pomona, Head of Hufflepuff.

The sudden voice in the room compelled her to unhook her gaze from the fire and direct it to the speaker which, unfortunately, caused her to scan again the headlines of the Daily Prophet lying on the table between them. She grabbed the newspaper and lividly crumpled it into a ball, tossed it into thin air then burst it into flames with a flick of her wand. Pomona rested her chin on her hands and watched the falling ashes.

"If you have only mentioned before, the fate of that paper, I would have brought mine and joined you."

"Indeed, and all of the others in the castle as well. Oh the joy of burning them!" said Minerva sourly.

Her friend looked at her properly, scrutinizing. "Minerva, what is it?"

Minerva leveled her gaze at her friend's pointed one, challenging. She bit her lip in the subtlest way she could before she responded.

"What is what?"

Pomona, with an audible exasperated sigh, lifted her hands up in the air and let them fall into her lap quickly before the meaning was even conveyed.

"That frequent distracted look, the twice backing out from staff dinners, the want to be mostly alone, the losing of grip of one of Filius' cups when he invited you to tea and that frequent balling of hands that is disturbingly out of character - I'm surprised you considered me blin-"

"And dare tell me what you are implying, Pomo-"

"That you are sometimes not yourself! I mean we most are - yes - with what happened recently but I can't help…I get so confused…it's like something's amiss…" trailed the squat witch. "I do admire your sense of control, Minerva. You do not want to show weakness and you stay strong for others but you forsake yourself. You have not spoken a word on how you feel about the incident…"

"I don't think it's really necessary." said Minerva, averting her gaze to the painting in her room.

"You really don't think so?" Her friend asked sadly.

"It's hard, Pomona." She began to fuss with the hem of the long sleeve of her robe. "It's…hard." The last, repeated word came out as a whisper. Pomona looked at her sadly. The dancing reflection of the fire in her friend's sculpted face added clarity to the picture that Minerva had a lot in her hands.

"I know. It is hard for all of us. I'm here whenever you need me."

_No. You don't know. _Minerva thought. "Thank you, my friend." She said otherwise and offered a weak smile.

"Much as we want to forget this depressing strain of thoughts, circumstances seem to taunt us more" said Pomona bitterly. "Are you ready to meet them any time soon?"

Minerva only nodded, fearing her voice would crack if she spoke.

_VoW_

The Heads of Houses along with the staff stood outside the front door looking at the three black figures advancing the marble stairs. All of them agreed to show courtesy, with lacking presence of sincerity, to Hogwarts' new headmaster on the day he takes his post. Some only joined out of fear that they may be reprimanded of not showing "respect" while Minerva, Pomona, Filius and among others took it as a play of mockery and a symbolism; that they would never back down from the dark forces amidst and would protect with the best of their powers the home they long cherished and the innocent souls beneath its shelter.

The three now were on the last of the steps and faced them with complete nonchalance and smirking faces.

"Welcome, headmaster" said Filius.

"Why, I did not expect a welcoming party but it is rather…" Snape tilted his head and showed an expression as if searching for any word that may be appropriate or less to describe the situation. "…fulfilling…since I expect better of _my staff_."

His companion snorted. "Who would pass the opportunity to meet a celebrity?"

"And hassle one? That is why we have to keep an eye on the bloody paparazzi." added the other.

"The Carrows," said Snape as he inclined his head to them. "to those of you who are illiterate, are the new members of the faculty and my appointed _deputy headmasters_ who will be responsible of the discipline in this school from now on."

Pomona along with few of the staff let out a horrified gasp. Filius stood indignant.

Severus roamed the crowd with his dark gaze. "Those of you who think you know better." He stopped at Minerva. "may take your objections to my office."

Minerva equaled his dark gaze with an impassive face and she was careful enough not to ball her hands in fury. She will not give him the satisfaction of knowing how much his game was affecting her. _How dare he_. How dare he showed in complete nonchalance. How dare he smirked at their faces. How dare he spoke like he did nothing, nothing at all.

"Now go back inside and do your work. You have a long year ahead." said Severus who then passed by them and entered the castle.

_VoW_

Minerva was sitting in Filius' office lost in thought. She thought she was prepared. She thought those sleepless nights of working, spending less time alone and going to gatherings will pay off. She was sure in the midst of those activities , a single thought about Snape was not made. She had forgotten him, kept herself busy and enjoyed her time. She thought she was so healed and had moved on when an inevitable mention of Snape did not bother her as the new school term was nearing. But, she was a complete fool. She did nothing more than deny and act as if she was stronger than love. A while ago, her heart recognized the man the moment it saw him. How could she still lov - She shook herself mentally before she could even finish the thought. She tuned back to her friends fearing another thought might make her lose her mind.

"This is preposterous! Unacceptable!" exclaimed Filius, who had been pacing back and forth, clearly annoyed. "The nerve of him!"

"Unacceptable indeed!" said Pomona. Minerva shot at her friend the look. It was the look she would often reserve for students who didn't know when to stop talking. She didn't want her friend to fuel the already buzzing wizard in front them. Pomona flushed. "I-I did not-I mean- I was not really agreeing with you, Filius, I-"

Filius ignored the witch and kept on ranting. "But it is you who should be in that position, Minerva! Rightful after you were stripped off from your position as headmistress! We won't tolerate it! I shall speak with Snape about this!"

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, Filius, but first, do sit down and calm yourself. Here, drink some water." said Minerva. Filius sat beside Pomona and downed a glass of water handed to him. The transfiguration mistress seized the opportunity to talk before the Charms Professor could finish drinking and talk again.

"You-Know-Who has now obviously infiltrated the Ministry and Hogwarts. He has a plan. We can't raise a finger against them. Disagreeing with Snape would be a mistake."

"That would mean interfering with the plan and it ain't pretty just by the sound of it. You are right, Minerva." said Pomona.

"Indeed. I would probably get sacked. Merlin, I must have lost my wits." said Filius.

Minerva shook her head and offered him a weak smile. "You did not, Filius. It was a natural reaction. We all are weakened by the war in some point."

A moment of silence passed between them as the air of sympathy crossed their bond. Minerva was scratching her knee when a sudden realization struck. She stopped and went rigid. It was a mistake. Her heart raced when Filius looked at her properly and Pomona, too, got on when she passed a look on Filius before she directed it to the floor. Minerva did not mean to deliver her last statement that way but it was nevertheless perceived with a dual meaning.

"Minerva…" uttered Filius awkwardly.

"I know. Yes. I _was _weakened by the war; by that very incident but I won't be a liability." said Minerva with a sharp tone that came out smoothly. Pomona did not budge but Filius was surprised. Minerva was also surprised with herself.

"Oh heavens! I'm sor -"

"We did not mean for you to think about it that way, Minerva. We are sorry." delivered Filius with utter sincerity.

"No! I don't know why I thought of it that way. I'm sorry. I know you two are worried about me, Pomona talked to me about it, but I'm.." Minerva steeled when Pomona looked at her with a gaze that was telling she knew better than to believe her now. "Okay, I'm not. Yes, I am not. I am still very bothered about it now. I am hurt that Seve - Snape betrayed us. I-I trusted him so much and later, it was very hard because …since, I-"

She was panicking. Pomona, who was at close proximity, laid a hand over hers and squeezed it, "Hush, Minerva, It's clear that you don't want to talk about it. You and Severus got close when we thought he was one of us. Of course, it was very hard. Of all people, we should have known better not to make it more difficult for you."

"Severus. He also is still Severus with me." said Filius. "We too are sad to lose him, Minerva, so you not over with the friendship broken is not unacceptable."

Pomona nodded. "We may not know everything about it, but we will understand. We will be here for you. It won't happen again."

"Thank you very much. What would I do without you two?" She gave them a weak smile. "I can't thank you enough and…" Minerva controlled tears from escaping her eyes. She was being unfair to them. "I know this is not the best thing to do but I need to excuse myself. I am very tired."

The two looked at her sadly and nodded. Before she walked out of the room, she looked back to them and said,

"The worst among us are the Carrows as school disciplinarians. We certainly won't hand the students for discipline if we can avoid it."

Pomona nodded and gave her a smile. "Of course, I am with you on that."

"So am I" Filius said.

_VoW_

Minerva briskly strode the cold corridors leading to the staff room. She went back for the graded essays of the sixth years she promised to return that day. She pursed her lips into a thin line as she chastised herself of becoming forgetful lately, and thought she would never forgive herself if something happened to the students in her absence because of her incompetence. She was nearing a statue when she heard two whispering voices. She slowed her steps and a sense of dread dawned upon her as she started to listen.

"Those Carrows act like they haven't met fear in their lives, but I bet they pee their pants when they face You-Know-Who!"

"Haha! And I bet that dumbass Carrow girl often gets tortured for firing curses with her annoying wheezing voice!"

"Hahaha! And I bet that birdbrain Carrow boy….."

The transfiguration mistress began to resume her brisk steps. She started to feel bitter at the pit of her stomach. She was silently praying the Carrows were not lurking nearby. These students obviously did not fully learn from the other students who were severely tortured by the Death Eaters among them.

"YOU! Detention and Fifty points from Gryffindor! EACH!" coming from opposite direction paralyzed the students. Minerva's knees almost went soft when the Carrows rounded the corner and simultaneously shrieked with her. She gave the students a look that said to stay behind before she stepped forward so that she would be between the Carrows and her Gryffindors.

"Hello Professor McGonagall. I believe those two were talking about us. I definitely heard Carrow boy somewhere in their conversation." said Amycus, stopping in front of her.

Minerva was quick to rephrase the thought of the students' conversation into something positive. "Yes, they were talking about you two being the embodiment of courage. No fear."

Alecto narrowed her eyes at the transfiguration mistress and raised a brow. "Then, why were you giving them detention?"

"Because they were lurking in the corridors instead of studying for their next class." said Minerva in a no-nonsense tone.

"What I meant, Professor McGonagall, was why were you giving them detention with you when you were supposed to refer them to us?"

"I believe you have a lot in your hands already."

"You know what I believe Professor McGonagall? I believe you are covering for those, ah, Gryffindors! No wonder! You are trying to protect them!" spat Alecto as she neared Minerva and grabbed the neck of her dress.

"You are certainly mista-"

"Sister, I believe this calls for punishment!" exclaimed Amycus.

"Indeed! It would be twice the fun with a faculty member. I would even let those filthy cubs pass this time! What a lucky day!" Alecto chirped.

"You idiots! Run before we could even change our minds!" said Amcyus before dressing down the students with a horrible glare.

The two boys ran hastily. Minerva momentarily felt relieved when her Gryffindors were freed yet after a second, her heart started to thump hard and her eyes widened in panic when Amycus exposed his yellow teeth with a cruel grin and raised his wand dramatically to the students' direction. She fumbled to reach her wand inside her pocket but she was stopped when Alecto slapped her hard across the face.

"Whatever is going on here?" asked a dark angry voice who cut off Amycus in firing a curse and stopped Alecto in giving another bitch slap to Minerva.

"Severus! What perfect timing! You see, our kitten here, seemed to overlap our responsibility as disciplinarians. She gave her Gryffindors detention with her instead of referring them to us. She was protecting them!" answered Alecto.

"And we decided to punish our transfiguration professor here instead of her cubs!" added Amycus proudly.

Severus' jaw tightened when his gaze fixed on Alecto's suffocating hold on Minerva's dress. "And what do you think are you saying?" He asked, giving each of them a dangerous glare.

"I beg your pardon? Are you against us punishing Min-"

"Don't you overlap a responsibility of mine too? Professor McGonagall is a part of my staff just as you two are. It is I who is responsible for keeping my staff in line. Now, release her! "

"Oh, of course, but you are tired, headmaster. Let us take care of her for you."

"I don't want to repeat myself, Amycus!"

Alecto and Amycus glared at Severus but retreated otherwise. Severus grabbed Minerva by her wrists cruelly and dragged her to the headmaster's office.

_VoW_

"What was that?" shouted Severus.

"Your precious Carrows already narrated it to you! Have you gone deaf?" snapped Minerva.

"I mean why did you oppose the Carrows?" Severus gritted his teeth while he moved his vicious grip to Minerva's upper arm. Minerva controlled herself not to wince in pain.

"They're torturing students, _headmaster_! That's hardly a punishment!"

"You can't protect the students by opposing them!"

The transfiguration mistress laughed with disdain. "Oh, don't tell me you have concern for the students, you -"

"I won't hear what you say! Don't ever do that again!"

"You know what, I think from now on, I'll opposed them as much as -"

Severus grabbed her neck and crushed his lips to hers. And every part of hers inside exploded. It seemed like she lived her whole life with dormant portals unbeknownst to her that now had erupted like a volcano, sending full watts of jolting electricity to her every cell and with general body weakness as an aftershock. Her knees buckled which caused their lips to slip from each other but Severus' strong arms hustled her up again and kissed her savagely. Her brain malfunctioned, shutting everything but her senses which heightened to a level she never experienced before. The movement of Severus' lips against hers brought waves of excitement down her spine. All the hairs in her body erected and tingled her with a pleasant sensation that left her stiff under the kiss of the former Potions master. His kiss was cruel, wanting, pushing, against her closed lips. He moving, she paralyzed; it stayed like that for seconds but to them seemed like an hour. It was only when the wizard's hand managed to push her stretchable bearing off her one shoulder while the other moved down to her arse and caressed them roughly that Minerva's brain powered back.

_**This is wrong!**_ Her mind shouted. Her eyes widened in panic and pushed Severus back hard like she had never lost her strength seconds ago. The force she gave came with a level that sent him staggering two paces backwards. The man's grip loosened a bit but he recovered immediately just as he was quickly caught off guard. He put Minerva's arms glued to her body under the mercy of his arms as he hugged her close and gave her another kiss. The witch struggled with all her might but she was no match against the wizard. She started to fear.

"Mmmppffttt"

While struggling to reach her wand, Minerva made a mistake by trying to shout in between kisses. This only gave Severus the opportunity to slid his tongue inside her mouth and played hers. She immediately bit it hard and the wizard managed to howl in pain and withdraw but never released his hold on her. Instead, he effortlessly lift the struggling Minerva up and brought her to his room. Both received bumps and pain from the struggle yet it never stopped them to reach the bed and fell onto it. Severus hastily straddled her and pinned both her wrists against the soft mattress. Minerva continued to struggle.

"Minerva! Stop it!" said Severus.

"Let me go, Severus!" shouted Minerva.

"Just stop struggling for a moment!"

"I said let me go!"

"Stop it!" Severus' face began to crease with worry seeing Minerva kept on struggling no matter how all of her efforts inflicted pain to herself and was rendered futile.

"Minerva!"

"Severus!"

"I will not let - stop!"

"Let me go! I am not one of your whores!" Minerva locked her eyes on his' and spat the words at him with venom. Nevertheless, it was not the venom that silenced Severus but the very words themselves. His dark eyes softened.

"You hardly are and never will."

Severus lowered his head and planted a soft kiss on Minerva's exposed shoulder. The witch let out a surprised gasp from the contact that left million sparks crawling her body. Her effort to struggle was then cut off when the wizard bore his eyes onto hers again full with, if she had not known him better, love.

"I'm sorry I hurt you" He uttered as he caressed her wrist with his thumb. The sincerity of his words struck her heart and tears began to brim her eyes. She must be in a dream, or else, what in the goddamn world happened to them? As she looked into his eyes, she saw the Severus she knew; the lonely boy in his years, the colleague who in many times made her laughed, the Head of House whom she squabbled with about Quidditch, the friend who showed utter concern whenever she was sick and the man whom she dearly loved. The wizard then kissed her jaw and was about to capture her lips again if he had not been cut off.

"What are you doing?" said Minerva feebly. It was the most idiotic question she have ever uttered in her life that came out unexpectedly from outside the whirlpool of dozen intellectual questions in her mind. It might have been dumb but it probably whacked Severus to senses as he stopped mid track and expressed in his face disbelief, defiance, confusion and indecisiveness all in one quick succession. He released her wrists but he looked at her like it was hard to do so.

"You are right. This is foolishness. Yes…indeed, especially because this will bring changes that we are, I assume, trying to avoid more so that we are…world's apart." His voice cracked. Minerva lay still, watching the man at war with himself. "We shouldn't do this."

"We shouldn't" agreed Minerva.

"We shouldn't" repeated Severus. Both of them sounded more like they were talking to themselves than to each other. Minerva saw that Severus was torn just as she was. Her mind was shouting wrong, wrong, wrong while her body in union with her heart was yelling yes, yes, damn yes. She whined. She never thought she'd play hypocrite once in her life. She wondered how Pomona, Filius or anyone out there would handle the situation. Why did this have to happen to her? She tried to clear her mind and think rationally but the only thing she could think of was Severus' breathing hot against her skin and the humming lust that was generating her body. She swallowed hard. She had to be strong. She had to be strong. She had to …..end up the fool of a woman she was who pulled Severus into a kiss.

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><p>Reviews motivate me, you know. ;)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Yue Sai, my Beta, is magnificent!

Enjoy! :)

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><p>Warning bells clonked erratically, at first, in the back of her shouting mind. She was shocked. They were both; but the tension and the faint urge to flee were drowned away by the pounding pulsations within them as their lips found their way home again. The kiss that Minerva initiated was hungry and powerful, fed by the raw ache she had for the former Potions Master. It was electrifying, so arousing, especially when Severus began to kiss her the same way. The walls between them vanished, leaving nothing but the blazing, resurfacing lust they have fought earlier. A single tear came rolling down across Minerva's cheek when a blur of a memory reminded her that once or twice, she has fantasized this, the deed that she fervently thought would never happen. Yet it was happening now and it was bliss.<p>

Their lips broke apart when the need for oxygen arose. Severus straightened and slid his hands down the back of her thighs then pulled them out from under the mercy of his own. As she was freed, Minerva straddled him and enclosed her arms around his neck. They resumed their hungry kisses, pushing, fighting as if they couldn't get enough of each other. Their every move made their bodies rub and when they parted to get air again, Severus took the liberty to remove the pins from her hair, took away the glasses from her eyes, and tucked the now cascading black hair behind her ears. The sweetness of these actions made Minerva dizzy; she felt like melting. When Severus caressed her swollen lip and as they looked at each other's eyes, the clarity of what was done pierced through. But there was no turning back now. There was only her and him, reflecting the need in their eyes. The wizard swallowed nervously before capturing Minerva's lips again, in that time he was gentle and careful as if he tasted them for the first time.

Minerva closed her eyes and let the magic of his kiss overwhelm her with a sweet sensation. She was deprived of thinking, not that she still need to, because every move that followed felt so natural; his hands roaming her back and going dangerously low, her hands moving down from his hair to his shoulders, their tongues dancing with each other... their bodies kneading together. They grew intense with every action; bodies swaying as the pleasure grew more. They were drowning and clinging as if one another were each other's salvation.

Severus' hands got a hold of her arse again and this time, she was not compelled to draw away, instead, she arched her back in delight as he caressed them gently. They pleasure each other more with caresses and kisses until a sway made Minerva's inner thighs came in contact with a bulge down there. Instinctively, they froze, electrified. The smell of lust was in the air. Severus looked at her with careful eyes, searching for any change of mind but it was ridiculous, she thought to act such. There was no stopping even though she now fully got hold of her control and wit. She couldn't stop, because nothing in their miserable world felt right except this. Minerva broke the pause as she gave Severus a light peck, and another, and again, until Severus got the cue and proceeded to remove her petite blouse, then his shirt... he was being careful and slow, probably afraid of scaring her if he moved fast. She then, too, assumed the responsibility of stripping him; they alternated, until all of their clothes ended up in a pile on the floor.

Time seemed to stop for a moment as they now sat still, totally naked, facing each other. Severus pushed her slowly down to bed and roamed her body with eyes full of admiration and lust before she could even protest and shrink with her insecurities. Minerva was aware that her body was still "acceptable" and fit in the right places but she wasn't that aware that her body was strongly attractive than what she thought it was. Her pale skin was soft and smooth with minimum wrinkles at some parts, her breasts were full and firm (Severus noted impressively), her flat stomach, the wizard's favourite part, was sexy to look at, her legs were nicely shaped…heck, she was even beautiful down there (Severus thought, blushing). The faint scars across her chest could never be even noticed alongside the more wonderful things about her. She was perfect, the wizard decided and thought sadly. Yes, she was perfect for him, very, if they were only living in a different world.

The inspection from the man, which seemed like forever, made her want to squirm when she started to feel vulnerable and too exposed under it. She was about to, if not for the gentle touch she felt when Severus cupped one flare of her hips with his hand and lowered down his lips to hers. He gave her a series of sweet kisses after. He moved to her earlobe and bit the skin under it and licked it… She shivered from its arousing effect and she thought she'd lose her mind when the wizard rained kisses on her neck and gentle bites on the skin near her collarbone. A loud gasp escaped her lips when Severus moved his attention to her nipples and licked and sucked them like he never had given any care to one. He was then moving, trailing kisses down to her stomach while his hands stayed at her breasts, squeezing them and making circles on her nipples with his thumb. She didn't care how she sounded when she moaned, she'd die if she couldn't express the sensations that Severus was giving her.

When he moved down to her core, she thought she was prepared; would act casual about it but an ugly shade of red crept to her face, the shyness lingered for a only a second though for a toe-curling sensation washed over her when he kissed her inner thighs, and kissed and tasted her. She swore she had pulled a couple strands of the man's hair during the time. She almost wished he would never stop. Boy, she was close to oblivion.

Time travelled and she found Severus now spreading her legs apart and she obligingly surrendered herself to him. Minutes before this, she could have revelled in tasting him too if he didn't pushed her back when it was about her turn. She now understood that they couldn't wait any longer. They needed to make love. He gently pushed inside her and she rewarded him with a soft moan. He was moving slowly, at first, with one hand caressing her thigh while the other was resting on her stomach. She closed her eyes as a rhythm was composed and gave a throaty moan when he moved deeper. She wished she had the words to describe sex but there was nothing she could grasp that would really capture how wonderful it was; especially when it was with a person you really care about.

The last of things that had happened before she was devoured by tiredness was Severus thrusting a little more after he spent himself inside her, the soft mattress shifting beside her as he collapsed, the incredible feeling of stickiness at her core, their ragged breathing from the activity, the slight movement of leg which caused a little of Severus' seed to trickle out of her and the warm hand that…

She fell asleep.

_VoW_

Minerva was awoken by the loud chirping of birds from outside the castle. She felt tired and aching all over. Even before she can rub her eyes, her attention was caught by the weight upon her navel. It was Severus' hand. Minerva's eyes widened as the events of previous hours rushed back.

"_Sweet Merlin!" _Her mind shouted and her heart beat wildly for a matter of seconds before she ordered herself to calm down, for she thought, there was nothing to be feared of in the first place. She wanted this and this may have never happened without her consent. Yes, she remembered the chances she got to push him away and how she had done the opposite. Vivid was the kiss she initiated, the wider her legs got as she surrendered to him... she mated with the enemy. She was damned.

Minerva closed her eyes again and felt the weight of the wizard's hand upon her navel. She thought:

"_I poured my love to what we did. Could it have been mutual? It felt so but with Severus, nothing is certain."_

Minerva opened her eyes and looked at the sleeping man. It felt wonderful to lie with him but she knew she needed to go back to reality soon and assume the role she was supposed to portray right after Albus' death. It was painful but she needed to draw the line again. Minerva carefully removed the wizard's hand from her and placed it at his side. She then went out of the bed, gathered her clothes and dressed. She was trembling all the while, wishing the man would not wake up for she didn't know how to face him. After she was done, the witch walked out of the room to the study in a hurried manner which caused her to trip and bump against the table and Albus' frame with a photo of him and Fawkes fell and shattered.

Minerva looked at the broken pieces with wide eyes. She had done it. She had betrayed Albus, her friend. She was blinded by selfishness and love. She forgot what she had vowed to do the next time she met Severus. She was, indeed, damned. How could she have done it? How dare she make herself a whore to the man back in that room? Her last train of thought hit Minerva with a force that made her gasp. The man in the room, a sleeping man...

The witch quickly got up from her knees and crossed the distance to the room before she could even argue the idea. It was her chance. Now was the time she kill Severus.

_VoW_

"Came back to kill me?"

Minerva, who was full of thoughts while entering the room, got startled and impulsively aimed her wand at the speaker. Before her was a fully awake wizard, now buttoning the last of his robe. He appeared completely unnerved of the wand pointed at him. He continued to dress himself leisurely and this hit a nerve.

"Yes. I came back to kill you, you traitor!" spat Minerva vehemently. Her goal was easily thought than done. Now was the time to let him speak no more and cast a curse... but her heart was wrenching... and if not for the remaining senses she had, she could have kneeled and beg heavens for mercy and a miracle to alter their state. Why should Severus be the enemy? Why couldn't it be anyone she didn't love? She felt so cold inside; she trembled.

Severus tucked his feet inside his shoes and looked at her squarely. "Then, what are you waiting for?"

He fixed his gaze tauntingly at her before he shifted them to her trembling hand. "I am under the impression that you just can't."

Minerva gritted her teeth. This could have been less difficult if he was there, at a stance, ready to fight her. But what was he doing? Just as the she was about to wonder why the hell he hadn't procured his wand, an abrupt flash of memory beat her to it. His wand... it was on the floor with his clothes. She had seen it lying there as she dressed herself a while ago.

The witch let out an inaudible sigh of relief, guiltily, and lowered her wand. "You know very well why I can't."

Severus gazed at his wand on the floor a meter distant from him and suppressed a laugh. He smirked anyway. "What a typical Gryffindor you are; always a strict follower to fairness."

"There will be a time for me to aim this wand to you again. And that time, I'll never hesitate, whatever the case." said Minerva with a glare that could freeze a mountain.

Severus crossed the distance between them and put his lips beside her ear.

"I am prepared for that, Minerva. I always am." He whispered. "Now, get out."

Minerva was proud of herself for not bawling her eyes out then and there. She quickly turned her back on Severus and went out of the room briskly, ardently wishing she wouldn't meet any soul on her walk to her room. For she was severely broken... She was a great fool for thinking those hours with him was special. She was only used for pleasure; only seduced to distraction and when he was done, he ordered her to get out. _GET OUT_. His words lingered in her ears painfully. Every time they echo felt like he was whispering it to her over and over again, slicing every bit of her heart to pieces...

She had always been happy to see the wooden door to her quarters. Now, she was happiest. For when she opened it and closed herself inside, she could not control herself any longer. She slumped down to the floor and wept. Hard.

* * *

><p>Just want to let you know that I was utterly nervous about this. I hope I did it right. And still, reviews motivate me. ;)<p> 


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